Is it ever justifiable to lie? I am a truthful person. Honestly I am! I've been remembering a few little white lies I've told in my life and I still don't feel guilty. Actually, I think I did the right thing! Let me share, then you tell me what you think.
When I was a Junior in high school, a friend of mine wore her new dress to school. Our group of girls saw Mary (not her real name) when she first walked into the Commons Area. Someone whispered "WHAT is she wearing? It looks like a huge maternity dress!" It reminded me of the full muu-muu dress that my Mom had brought back from Hawaii, except that Mary's was solid dark blue, and had a little white bow at the neck. It was unlike anything that girls were wearing at the time. In fact, we were usually a little envious of Mary's cool wardrobe; this was confusing.
She ran up to us and said "Hi! Do you all like my new dress?? I just got it last night!" She was absolutely beaming.
I think all of our pants burst into flames right then. "Oh, it's cute!" "Where did you get it?"
Come on now, Mary was our good friend! Besides, it was just minutes before the first bell of the day. It was better to lie, than to say "The tent thing is not an attractive look for you" and make her feel self-conscious all day at school. Right?
A few years ago, I went to visit my brother. He lived only about 30 minutes away from me, and we managed to get together about once a month.
He offered me coffee when I arrived. He told me to just rest on the couch, while he fixed it up for me. He asked "You still drink it with sugar, right?" Yep. "And cream?" Yes.
My gracious host brought my coffee, but started apologizing as he handed it to me. "I just used the last of the sugar. I don't think yours has enough in it." I said "Oh, I'm sure it will be fine."
As I took my first sip, he was watching my face intently. He was sort of wincing as he waited for my reaction. I tasted and said "Oh it's fine. Don't worry." But he was worried. "Are you sure? You don't have to drink it if it's yuck." "It's okay!" I said. "Just sit down."
I lied. It was so overly sweet, I could barely choke it down! Darrell preferred his coffee and tea with lots and lots and lots of sugar. Like syrup, I tell ya! At least to my taste buds. Seriously now, was I going to criticize? He really wanted to fix me a perfect cuppa, and he already felt bad for running out of sugar. I think my fib was well-justified!
If I could drink coffee with my Bub again, I'd be more than happy to take it gaggy-sweet!
I miss you Brother. You were the host with the most.
Some people believe there is never a reason to lie. I read something recently about this. The author said it's better to tell the whole truth, even if it hurts feelings. Well, I agree that is necessary and best in some situations. But if it's in the small stuff of life, and a fib spares a person's embarrassment, why not? Especially when you are on the spot! I'll admit though, this topic gets tricky and sticky.
Your turn! I have been looking forward to posting another interactive blog. (Lots of folks shared stories on "I Sacrificed my Dignity for a Friend".) Please share your opinions about "justifiable" lies. Better yet, give a personal example. And I most sincerely thank you!
Hi Diana. Those are good examples, but on the other hand, I never considered not sharing my true opinion on something a lie. I guess you could call hiding the fact that you didn't particularly care for the sweetness of your coffee from your bother a lie. But I would have done the same thing in a heart beat, and probably would have drank all of the coffee (so he would never know). If I see someone that appears to be proud of something (or there is something different about them) I try to compliment them on it (regardless if it falls in line with my taste). Like you, I believe what comes out of your mouth should build up, not tear down.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Art. You get me on this. I think you get me on many things! I really appreciate your comment.
DeleteHey lady. I think I would have said something like ' Oh, that's a nice color." But then, i never pay compliments unless I mean them. As for the coffee thing, I don't drink it, but i do prefer Southern Style iced tea ( you know, the really sweet stuff.) I try to think of a way to say something in such a way that I'm not lying. For example, the comment about it being a cute dress or a nice color might mean in general, but not specifically on her. You know what I mean? And like they say " Tact is saying only 50% of what you're thinking." So look at it that way: You weren't " lying,." exactly --- You were being tactful. :-) Hope this helps. Wil
ReplyDeleteHey Wil! So good to have you visit my blog! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI really feel weird when I fib, (and I hate to do it) but there are those times when you are just suddenly on the spot, asked a direct question, and the person just looks at you waiting for a response! AWKWARD! If I am ever in a position like that again, maybe I will just have to suddenly excuse myself to leave! But I suppose that wouldn't be 100% honest either....and also very cowardly. Hmmm. Double badness.
Like the honesty!
ReplyDeleteHi Sean, thanks very much for reading my story, and for your comment!
DeleteI love the honesty of this post, which may seem a bit odd since it's about lying, but I do. I've always wrestled with this concept of "is it ever okay to lie?" and I still don't really know. However, I loved your insights and how you got me thinking about it again.
ReplyDeleteHello EB. I am almost (ha ha) always honest, and certainly in my blog! I'm so glad you enjoyed my post and it made you think. Thanks for telling me so, you made my day.
DeleteOh Di,
ReplyDeleteI have been without internet for almost 2 weeks and just saw this...
Of course I've "lied" upon occassion, who hasn't answered the phone awakened from a dead sleep and when the caller asks, "were you asleep" and responded with "no, not at all", while wondering who in the coo just woke you up.
After hurricane Ike, I went without power for 3 weeks. A dear friend who didn't lose power, was so gracious and kind to me. She let me do laundry, took me shopping and even brought me gasoline (all of the stations were closed due to lack of power). After 2 weeks, I didn't have enough gas to make it to and through the long line at the one station that was finally open.
After my power finally came back on, she invited me over for a celebratory dinner. She had prepared MacnCheese for the kids, a steak for her husband, and for herself and me, a big whopping plate of succotash. Now I don't know what succotash is supposed to be, but this dish was basically creamed lima beans with a hint of fat-back. It was the consistency of thick mashed potatoes.
Now I'm not going to lie (here), but I have never, nor will ever care for lima beans. I remember as a child being forced to eat them under the watchful eye of my dear Aunt and Uncle. I will tell you though, not only did I eat the portion that my friend gave me, I asked for seconds and regretfully had to turn down thirds, all while my dear friend beamed about the "wonderful" meal she had provided.
What a dear, dear friend and what a precious from the heart gift. You bet I told her it was wonderful!
I gotta admit though, I kept eyeing the MacnCheese and steak while I choked down the smooshed lima beans, LOL!
Great post, Di!
Love you muchly,
Taffy
Oh my dear Taffy, an excellent example of gracious fibbing! Love your story!
DeleteI had wondered where you'd been too, so glad you got your internet back.
Thanks always for you friendship and support of my blog. Love you.
Now that was a twist! I thought the coffee would be bitter or something, but it was the entire opposite! White lies are after all white, and white's peace. I could lie for peace :D
ReplyDeleteThank you again, Syed, for taking the time to read my posts! Yes, I like your thinking, lying for peace. That makes sense!
DeleteHi, just call me Di: I agree with you that in the situations you described,, a bit of
ReplyDelete'fibbing' is fine. No one harmed and peace prevailed. No reason to always be honest to a fault. Interesting read.
Hi Ronda,
ReplyDeleteThanks much! I like your wording "No one harmed and peace prevailed." Yes, I think that's my justification too.