In My Dreams

"Is this one because of stress, random nonsense, hormones or an emotional battle in my sub-conscious mind?" This is the question I often ask myself when I remember a dream. I can often pinpoint what type of dream it is, and it's usually one of those four.

Throughout my life, I've had profound dreams which have helped me to understand and even heal from difficult times.  Relationships, divorce, my mistakes, separation from people and places I've loved, and grief - these are what most of my life lesson dreams have been about. 

I learned something profound from a recurring story that came to me several years ago.  As with many dreams, parts of it were based on reality, some of it clearly symbolic, and other parts still a mystery. It involved my parents, who in reality had divorced about twenty years before these dreams happened. 

I'd had such a difficult time dealing with their divorce! I just wanted each of us to be healed from the wounds and move forward! But we all know that the emotional, financial, mental and spiritual baggage of divorce often has long lasting effects on families.





Now, the dream:
Dad lived in a very large and luxurious home, somewhat mansion-like. He lived there with his new wife. They seemed content.

Mom lived in a small, plain, one-room apartment that was inside of Dad's house.  She was often depressed. She had the necessities for life, but not much more.

I would occasionally visit my father and his wife in their mansion.  I always felt out of place. I could see my mother in the little room. She never came out.  Was she locked in there?
Sometimes I'd see her cleaning.  Other times she was just sitting at a table, looking sad.

I began to feel very worried about Mom in that small apartment.  I suspected that she was being kept there against her will.  I started getting very angry at Dad and his wife!  But I was afraid to accuse them of anything, because I was trying to determine what was really going on.  I felt so confused!

My dad would sometimes invite my kids and I to join them for various outings.  When we went, I couldn't enjoy it.  I was always thinking about Mom being held prisoner in back of the mansion.

I don't remember talking to Mom in these dreams, but just watching her through a glass window. One day, I finally went into her apartment.  I saw an open doorway that I hadn't seen before, but it was in plain sight from inside. It had no door, no locks, and led directly into the gorgeous home. There was also an exit to the outside.
I was shocked! Mom could apparently come and go as she pleased. The situation was not at all what it had appeared to be!

Then I woke up. 

I remembered it all just a couple of minutes after awakening. That last scene struck me like a lightning bolt! I started to sob. My Mom wasn't a hostage, she chose to stay there! The way out was right there the entire time! Maybe she just couldn't see it.

I'd had perceptions of people and situations that weren't accurate. I hadn't seen the entire picture.  It's not right to make a judgment call under those circumstances! Shoulder-chips, hurt and half-truths are very heavy and tip the scale unfairly. 
  
I asked God "Why is this in my head NOW?  The divorce happened so long ago! Mom's passing too! Our family has come a long way since then!" 

It was made crystal clear....the lesson was for me. For me!  The dreams, that final one especially, came at a time when I was very low.  The truth is, I still needed some understanding about my parents and their situation. Sometimes, knowing the truth sets you free, or at least brings another level of healing.

I was also having my own marriage problems at that time, feeling depressed and stuck.  The dream showed me that I had a way out too!  I wasn't a prisoner or a victim, I had choices!  It happened slowly, but I started making progress in baby steps.  I started seeing things differently, I got some help through counseling, and taking responsibility instead of just blaming.  


If you have been following my blog, you know that I have been getting stuck again recently.  I have been going back and forth between stuck and free. Not marriage issues this time, but stressful stuff of a different nature.  

Ah, we all have something, don't we? Different battles, but similar choices to make about how to cope. 

Remembering the lessons learned from this dream is helping me again now. Thank you God for this gift that keeps on giving. Thank you for caring family and friends who listen, support and share wisdom and resources.  I can now see the exits I couldn't see before, and the hope of freedom is in sight.

                           


.
 .  .