Twice Adopted (Part 3)

My father's first cousin R. helped me the most. In fact....he took on the task of helping me find DJ. We connected. He really understood my need to find my father and know about my roots. They had been close as kids and teens but had lost touch. He knew some things about DJ though, because he had stayed in contact with DJ's sister.  It had not been easy at all for my father.

R and I established a good long-distance relationship (He was in Texas, I was in Missouri)  He learned that DJ was in Hawaii. He gave me a phone number.  When I got my courage up to call a few days later, there was no answer.

The next week, R. called me. He told me he had bad news. I braced myself.  My father had died six weeks before I got his phone number.  I had that "punched in the gut" sensation.  It seemed worse to know that he had died so recently. Six weeks ago? WHAT???

Now, that is not the end of my story. Oh no it isn't.  My story has a good ending.

First, the task of getting closure and beginning a different kind of grieving.  I was able to find out where DJ had died. My cousin R did not have details, and didn't know who did. I was on my own.  I called the hospital in Hawaii, explained my unique situation to a lady there. She listened.  She was kind.  She wanted to help but her hands were tied.

About a week later, I got an unexpected call.  My caller ID showed a Hawaii area code!  The attending physician to my father's death called me. He asked me a few questions, then he answered all of mine. He likely broke all kinds of rules to do that. He followed his heart to help a stranger.  Through that doctor, I came to understand how very ill DJ was and that he had suffered for a while.  Very sad, of course. Hard to hear, yes.  But it put my troubled, questioning mind to rest, at least to an extent.  To me, this call was a mini-miracle.

My second cousin R. and I grew closer over time. We started writing and calling on a regular basis. He became more like an uncle to me. Remember, he was the same age as my father. He shared funny childhood memories of times he'd had with DJ. Once, I was having a very hard day dealing with everything. I got a letter from R. that day that made me smile through tears. He told the story of when he and DJ were in Jr, high, and decided to make a pineapple upside-down cake.  They destroyed the kitchen but ended up with a delicious cake!

He told me that sharing those good times with me helped him; he was grieving too.

He started sending photos and newspaper articles about my father's side of the family, going way back. Genealogy.  What gifts of time, effort and love he shared! For me, a stranger.

Not only that, but he took much interest in my family, my brother and his family too. He sent cards and/or called on holidays, without fail! Mom had told me that R. was one of the kindest, most giving people she'd ever met. This proved to be true to me also.

I got to go visit R. a couple of years later, and met his family.  It was wonderful!  About a year after that, I was his guest at family reunion in New Mexico. I was welcomed in by people I didn't know and met folks who looked like me. It was kind of fun, a little awkward, but mostly it was heart-healing!

My story really is about two things: adoption and grace.
The title is "Twice Adopted", referring to my first adoption by my Dad, who raised me. He was I will go visit him in two weeks. I haven't seen him in years. This is very big life event to me!

The second adoption is about my faith in God as my Father. I became a believer as a very young child. I believe with all my heart that He adopted me, chose me.  It is because of His grace ( unmerited divine assistance, favor) that I have received everything in my life.

I wonder now if I should have entitled my story "Three Times Adopted".  My uncle-father figure R. adopted me into his heart and took me under his wing. He has since passed away too. This story is dedicated to him.